The Tragedy of Romiet and Juleo
by giantpsychoticrabbit
Summary: How can Shakespeare possibly be connected with plots to destroy Taco Bell, a wild swangoose(half swan, half mongoose), magical harpoons, cans of tuna, and Slim Shady? Find out in the story Shakespeare based his play on, the true story of Romiet and Juleo.
1. The Revenge on Taco Bell

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The Tragedy of Romiet and Juleo

(Author's Note: They say that Romeo and Juliet was just fiction. Well, all right, maybe parts of it are, but the truth is Shakespeare actually based his play loosely, I repeat: LOOSELY, on a true story. _This _is that true story: the story of Romiet and Juleo.)

(Another Author's Note: We forgot to mention this is NOT written in that awfully hard to understand Shakespearean language. You should thank us!)

(One More Author's Note: We promise this is the last one! We just had to warn you there are quite a few things in this story that are incredibly weird because we are just naturally strange people with very weird ideas. Ok, on to the play.)

(Just One More...just kidding!)

Characters In Shakespeare's Play: Actual True Characters:

Juliet Capulet Romiet Montalet

Romeo Montague Juleo Capugue

Friar Laurance Liar Fraurance

Nurse Merse

Mercutio Nurcutio

Tybalt Tyvolio 

Benvolio Benbalt

Balthazar Palthazar

Paris Baris

Prince of Italy Pritaly of Itince

Setting: Verantua and Manrona, near the court of the Pritaly of Itince. (Not in Verona and Mantua like in Shakespeare's version.) 

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Act I 

Scene I (Set in the house of Lord and Lady Capugue in Verantua.)

Lord Capugue: Where is our dear son Juleo?

Lady Capugue: I don't know. He's been so depressed lately since he didn't get that job at The Rusty Barstool (a.k.a. Taco Bell). Although our family is FILTHY rich, he wishes to mock the poor people. 

Enter Juleo (Too bad he isn't Mexican; his name could be Juleo - pronounced with an "H" instead of "J".) who is in a terribly bad mood.

Juleo: Darn Mexicans! They wouldn't hire me unless my name was Juleo!

Lady Capugue: Calm down sweetie pie.

Juleo: Don't call me that! Call me Juleo, master of Taco Bell. (Aside: Today Taco Bell; tomorrow the world!)

Lady Capugue: We will leave alone for a few minutes, honey bunches of oats.

Juleo: (Interrupting his mother) I said Juleo!!!

Lady Capugue: Whatever you say, princess.

Juleo: AHHHHHH!!!!!

Lord Capugue: We brought a visitor to cheer you up. He'll be in shortly.

(Exit Lord and Lady Capugue.)

Juleo: I will have my revenge on you Taco Bell! You will see; you will pay. I like fire, very large destructive fire! 

(Enter Liar Fraurance.) (He is a pathological liar. He MUST lie! If he does not lie every few moments his head hurts to the point that it threatens to implode upon itself. Wow, that sounds weird doesn't it, but you get what we mean!) 

(To be continued. Next time in The Tragedy of Romiet and Juleo: How much could Liar Fraurance possibly lie in one scene? Will his head really explode if he doesn't lie? How many other childish names will Lady Capugue call her son? And will Juleo ever get his revenge on Taco Bell?)


	2. The Real Slim Shady

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Act 2

Scene 2 (Scene 1 was eaten by my extremely hungry mother who had to eat whole sheets of paper or she would explode.) (Set in the same place as Act 1 Scene 1.)

Liar Fraurance: Hello, Juleo. I'm here to cheer you up. On the way over, I saw Taco Bell burning in gigantically large flames.

Juleo: Really?!

Liar Fraurance: No. I just had to say lie. It's a compulsive thing, never mind. 

Juleo: (In English accent) Blimey, it sure is hot in here! (Oh, wait I'm supposed to be Mexican.)

Liar Fraurance: You're right it sure is freezing in here! To cheer you up, I brought one of my friends, Romiet Montalet.

Juleo: Oh no! I'm not supposed to be seen with her. Our families our trying gruesomely obliterate each other.

Liar Fraurance: Well, here she comes (Miss America!) so I'll leave you two alone. By the way, my name is Slim Shady (yes, the real Slim Shady and I will please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.)

(Liar Fraurance (a.k.a. Slim Shady) stands up. He leaves.)

(Enter Romiet Montalet.)

Romiet: Despite the fact my family wants me to gruesomely obliterate you, _I_ am the real Slim Shady!!! Not Liar Fraurance! Bwahahahaha!!! So Juleo, what up my homeslice?

Juleo: Not much my peep. Destroying Taco Bell, plotting and (of course) scheming to take over the world, the usual. You?

Romiet: Taking care of my gangsta cat (Example of a gangsta cat: Meow, you see, meow!) and stuffing my ceiling fans down my freakishly large turbo rabbit, furthering its largeness.

Juleo: I see.

Romiet: MOO!!!

(Awkward silence.)

Romiet: Sorry, I have OSOoCANS, Occasional Sudden Outbursts of Creepy Animal Noises Syndrome.

Juleo: Wow, me too! BAHHHH!!!!

Romiet: Well, I must be going because we can't let our parents catch us together.

Juleo: But I must see you again; you and your gansta cat must help me destroy Taco Bell!

Romiet: Ok, meet in the Taco Bell parking lot tomorrow at midnight.

(To be continued. Next time in Romiet and Juleo: What other creepy noises will Romiet and Juleo make? How will Romiet's gangsta help aid in the plot to destroy all Taco Bells? And we will ever find out who is the real Slim Shady?)


	3. The Attack of the Swangoose

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Act 3 

Scene 1 (Fortunately, my mother did not get a hold of this scene.) (Set in the Montalet house the day before Romiet must meet Juleo in the parking lot of Taco Bell.)

(Romiet enters and decides to go feed her wild, gargantuan, lovesick, ovoviviparous (just look it up in the dictionary because I can tell by the utterly confused, wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression on your face that you obviously have no idea what this word means) swangoose (half swan, half mongoose), Frito (a.k.a. Baris, who was in love with Romiet). But what she doesn't know is that Frito has escaped from his straight-jacket and not had his daily tranquilizer and has stolen the priceless family harpoon.)

Romiet: Here Frito! Where are you?

(Swangoose creeps up from behind with deadly precious family heirloom harpoon.)

Romiet: Here swangoosey, goosey, goosey.

Frito (or Baris): Oh my dear Romiet! I have waited so long to tell you this: I love you with all my little swangoose heart. Will you marry me?

Romiet: Are you crazy?! You're a swangoose!

Frito: Fine! Then I guess you are just going to have to die!

(Frito jabs her in the hair with priceless family heirloom harpoon.)

(What she doesn't know is that the harpoon has a magical power that makes people named Romiet insane when stabbed in the hair with it.)

Frito: Bwahahahaha!!! Now she will be crazy forever and _I _will be the real Slim Shady!!!

(Romiet runs out of room while claiming she is Princess Swangoosygoosygossy, chief of the Goosey Goosey Gangsta Tribe in Chicago.)

(To be continued. Next time in Romiet and Juleo: How will Romiet react to Juleo and Taco Bell now that she is crazy? Will Frito ever find his true love without having his tranquilizers? Will you ever find out what ovoviviparous means? And will the Goosey Goosey Gangsta Tribe be offended by Romiet's outrageous claims?)


	4. Can of Tuna

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Act 4

Scene 1 - (Set in a can of tuna.)

(Enter Romiet, Juleo, and Liar Fraurance.)

Liar Fraurance: How did I get in this can of tuna? How do we all fit in this can of tuna? How do I get out of this can of tuna? Why do I keep saying can of tuna! Help, I can't stop saying can of tuna! Please...can of tuna!!! Ahhhh!!! Can of tuna!

Romiet: Gulp! Gulp! Smooch! Smooch! (This is the sound an ill-tempered tuna makes. She is having an OSOoCAN.)

Juleo: What the heck is that?

(Enter well-educated, adjective-addicted piranha.)

Piranha: I am the Big Piranha, head honcho, big cheese, top dog, big enchilada, big kahuna...anyway, on with my extremely long, exasperating, and boring introductory speech. Now, bow to me!!!

Juleo: Never!!!

Liar Fraurance: Can of tuna!!!

Piranha (to Liar Fraurance): How dare you insult me! I'll make you think tuna!!! I will now viciously and gruesomely eat your odd-shaped, disproportional, perpendicular, inexplicably hairy and unseasonably bloated, puke-colored leg.

(Piranha eats Liar Fraurance's leg.)

Liar Fraurance:Ahhhh!!! Can of tuna!!!

Piranha: Now _I _am the for certain, absolute, uncontested, and undeniably the real Slim Shady!!! Bwahahaha!!!

(To be continued. Next time in Romiet and Juleo: How will the characters get out of the tuna can? What parts of Liar Fraurance's body will the piranha eat next and will he get his leg back? Will he ever be able to stop saying "Can of tuna"? And how many more adjectives could possibly be used in one scene?)


End file.
